The only love style that is not problematic is that of a secure connector. Victim: If believe if they tried harder in their relationship, their spouse wont get so angry.
Controller: Believe they have to control and intimidate others in order to get what they want.ĥ. I need my spouse to take away my bad feelings."Ĥ. They often tell themself "there is nothing I can do to improve my marriage because my won't change. Vacillator: Believe that their spouse is the problem in the marriage. Pleaser: Believe they are responsible to maintain the happiness and well-being of others, because conflict and rejection are deadly and to be avoided at all costs.ģ. Avoider: Believes they do not need anyone.Ģ. Each love style evolved as a protective strategy during childhood, resulting in five problematic love styles:ġ. The love styles are based on the research of attachment theory. The following are the love styles discussed in How We Love. In this section, you will be prompted to write about and discuss some key memories that relate to the irritating traits you wrote about before. The another difficult truth in this book is that you will never truly understand yourself or your partner until you learn how both of you were shaped by your childhood experiences. You can ask him or her if you’re not sure. You are then asked to write down your spouse’s biggest complaint about you. You are asked to write down the attitudes or behaviors of your spouse that bothers you the most, without accusing or blaming because blame is one of the cancers of marriage (link to post). To figure this first truth out in your own marriage.
That means your marriage problems did not start in your marriage. Some of the powerful truths that you will learn in this book include how the close proximity of your spouse can trigger old feelings because you look to your partner to meet some of the needs your parents did not meet. It asks you to describe some of the constant irritations and patterns that remain unresolved in your marriage. How We Love covers the nagging difficulties that keep couples from getting to the roots of their problems. It will show you how to form a deeper connection in your marriage with Godly insight and practical exercises. The "How We Love Workbook" provides ample insight on how to do just that. There's always a way to get it back as long as both of you are willing. If you're starting to feel that connection fade in your marriage, do not panic. How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage states a healthy marriage cannot exist without a deep connection. While the above quote is provocative, it is also true and the thesis of Milan and Kay Yerkovich's How We Love Book.
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